Moving In Together
So you’re taking the next step in your relationship, and finally shacking up and moving in with your SO. You’ve been planning this for a while, you’ve dreamt about the days you’d be decorating a place together, and you figure that you’ve had enough sleepovers together over the years to know what you’re in for. You’re ready for constant cuddles, tons of home cooked meals together and coming home after a long day to your favorite person in the world. While all of these things are definitely things to look forward to, that’s not all you’re signing up for. After moving in with my boyfriend, we were faced with a few realities that sometimes make us laugh, and sometimes push us to our absolute limits.
1. You’re going to have to start hiding your favorite snacks.
Remember those days when your older brother would eat all your leftovers and that bag of Goldfish that you bought yesterday is suddenly missing? Living with your boyfriend is pretty much the same thing. Long gone are the days of rationing your faves to last for days and days. Long gone are the days of ever having enough ice-cream. Let the game of hide-and-seek with your favorite foods begin!
2. You’ll be at risk of spending too much time together.
Make sure you’re prioritizing all of the other things in your life now that your SO is living with you full-time. Sometimes, it’s really unhealthy to spend too much time with your partner. Don’t forget that you don’t have to spend every second together just because you share a living space. Continue going out with friends, spend a day out on your own here and there, make sure you’re still comfortable being by yourself every once in awhile.
3. You’ll realize just closing the bathroom door is not enough.
If you want your privacy, you better lock that door. With that newfound comfort that you’re building with each other comes shameless poops while you’re in the shower, brushing your teeth or even trying to just use the mirror. There are no more secrets. You will see everything.
4. You’re going to have to reevaluate your boundaries.
Now that you’re living together, you can’t just escape when things get tough. If you argue, you can’t just go home. You are home now, together. You share everything – even a bed. You’re going to need to find new ways to get your privacy, especially when you two fight. Sometimes, it’s good to have a place where you can go to escape – like the local park for a run or even the gym.
5. What used to be “mine” will soon become “ours.”
This is something I’ve learned to really love about sharing a space with my partner. You’re in this is a team, now. You share the space, and you share the stuff in the space. With sharing comes compromise, which may be one of the most important lessons in a relationship to learn. Learning to adjust from “mine” to “ours” may take some time, but it’s extremely vital.
6. Eventually, you’ll have to decide what to eat.
If you’re anything like me, you’re the type of girlfriend who always says “I don’t know” when your SO asks what you want for dinner. Now that you’re living together, you have a whole week of meals to think about, not just Friday or Saturday. There’s only so many default Wendy’s trips you can make in such a short time. You have to start expanding your mind, ladies. Try new foods, look up new recipes – or just figure out what you want to eat already.
7. You’re bound to have the toilet paper talk.
That’s right, ladies. You know exactly what I’m talking about. When he goes to change the toilet paper roll but alas – it’s facing the wrong way. This was a set rule in my house growing up, we had our preferences and we weren’t budging. The other day, I walked into my bathroom to find this very disaster before my eyes. (Luckily, he changed it later that day before I had time to say anything about it, I’ve trained him well). Another conversation you’ll end up having pretty soon after – the toilet seat talk. Is it that hard to put down the lid?
8. You’re going to have to compete for your pet’s affection.
We have a cat, and we both love her very much, However, my boyfriend thinks she likes him better because of the way he pets her, and I think she likes me more because I… well… feed her the most. If you two have a pet, or one of you has a pet prior and bring him/her into your new love nest, you’ll end up arguing about them, no doubt. We’re constantly competing with each other for her attention, but in the end, she probably just hates both of us.
9. You have to tell him what needs to get done, he’s not going to read your mind.
If you want something done around the house, you’re going to have to learn to speak up and mention it. Sometimes our SOs do things a little differently, have different priorities – and that’s okay. Just make sure you’re communicating your needs for comfortable living, and keeping in mind your SOs preferences, as well. If you want things to be done fairly, you have to ask. You can’t expect them to clean the kitchen and do the dishes without you saying so – no man is perfect.
10. Going grocery shopping together will be a constant fight.
Let’s face it, he just doesn’t get your cravings sometimes and leaving him to do the shopping on his own may leave something to be desired. Going together makes sure both of you have input and are fully aware of what you’re purchasing. That’s right, you’ll get those 2 pints of Ben and Jerry’s because you know he only would’ve gotten one. But, beware the epic “supermarket fight” that will probably occur. You both have different preferences in snacks and meals – and you’re on a limited budget. You know how this equation is going to turn out.
11. You’re going to crave personal space.
Now that you’re sharing everything, make sure you still have a space that benefits you and a place that is all your own. It may seem hard to do when you’re living in a small apartment, but, if they can bring their stuff, you can bring yours. I have spaces for my books and my hobbies. My boyfriend has his PC gaming set up and his book collection, giving us both our own sense of identity along with the unit of our relationship.
12. You’ll need to make extra time to see your family now that you don’t live “at home.”
Now that you two are living together, you have to make it a priority to incorporate your family into your lives whenever possible. They’re not there every day, and we all took their constant presence for granted before experiencing life on our own. It’s easy to get caught up in the jitters of moving in together, and almost cut yourselves off from the world while you’re re-adjusting, but make sure you work hard to keep those family ties close.
Living with your SO is hard work, but hard work comes with amazing rewards. I wouldn’t trade my life for anything, even my cat’s undying, undivided love. Nothing worth having is ever easy, and with the right amount of work, patience, and love, you’re set for the adventure of a lifetime. So get out there and hide your snacks, fix the toilet paper, and tell your boyfriend you love him. Welcome home, y’all.