Five years into my marriage to Brett* I had an affair with a work colleague, Dave*. I’m not proud of myself. It is what it is.
My marriage had gone off the rails when I found out he had a criminal background that he’d kept secret from me. It felt like a huge deception. We tried to make it work, even going to counselling for a while, and decided to just co-exist for the sake of our daughter.
Part of me was still in love with Brett but the relationship wasn’t what it used to be. I had already decided I wanted to leave my marriage by the time I started my affair.
I fell head over heels. Dave was my dream man so handsome, fun to be around, financially stable and he seemed to be very much in love with me.
It was about six months into our affair that we had a serious discussion about where we saw ourselves in our near future. He told me he wanted to leave his wife, I told him I would leave Brett, and I thought we’d have our “happily ever after.”
I felt like I had finally found my person, the love of my life, and moving forward with our lives would be the life I’d always planned for myself; that I’d be loved and looked after for the rest of my life. Well, I wasn’t that naïve I knew there would be all kinds of challenges along the way. I’d seen enough of my friends going through divorces to know it’s not easy.
So you can imagine my shock when I was on the verge of breaking up with Brett, telling him I was leaving him I wasn’t going to tell him I was leaving him for Dave, as I wanted that information to come out much later when things didn’t exactly go to plan.
About two days before I’d planned to end my marriage, Dave phoned me, saying he needed to talk to me, urgently. I was worried he had already told his wife he wanted a divorce and that it hadn’t gone well.
Nothing could have prepared me for the bombshell he was going to drop on me. I remember it like it happened yesterday.
I pulled up at a café we always liked to go to for lunch and he got into the car, and I could tell right away he had bad news for me. He kissed me on the cheek that was out of character, he always kissed me quite passionately on the lips.
Then, he looked into my eyes and said, “I’m so sorry”. He told me he was ending our relationship, that he had realised he did love his wife after all and wanted to give his marriage another go.
I couldn’t believe it. I cried, I pretty much begged him to stay with me, but he was cold as ice. He said, once again, that he was sorry and hoped one day we could be friends. Then, he left my car and never spoke to me again.
This happened literally two days before I was going to end my marriage. There was nothing for me to do. I grieved the end of my love affair and then I tried to make my marriage work, but it was too late — I knew I just didn’t love my husband.
I’m now single and looking for love. I have reached out to Dave a couple of times and had no response so I’ve come to accept he wants nothing to do with me. It’s all very sad because I did believe that he loved me.